Ups and Downs

I took the kids to see my Dad Thursday morning and he was so out of it. Abbey sat on his lap for a long time and when he walked us out, it seemed like he might fall over. It was the first time I thought I wouldn't be surprised if I got a phone call that night with the worst news.

He did tell me a story about how when he was a kid, he had a friend with a funeral home and they used to sneak down to look at things. He said the whole house always smelled clinical. My mom added a bit about her uncle owning one...my Dad made a funny joke about one uncle popping them and the other planting them (Mom's family has some shall we say mob ties!).

I was worried enough to go back Friday morning. Dad looked a lot more alert and we sat outside...we talked some. He told me that Mom thought he was on his way out the day before and I told him that it seemed the same to me. He hadn't taken any that day, he told me he was going to try and hold back. But we talked about how hard that can be with the pain and with the depression. Dad explained his choices to me a little more...the tumor is in the right front of his head and it's growing around his optical nerve. He'd probably go blind if they did surgery and it would grow right back. Abbey sat on his lap smiling at him for like 45 minutes. She loves her grandpa

It's up and down for him...physically and mentally. I try and control my emotional ups and downs. It can be hard to see him doing OK one day and think maybe it'll be OK and then so bad another.