Breakfast With Dad

Today we went to breakfast with my Dad. Sarah drove up yesterday with her boyfriend Jeff and my new little nephew Jamison. They were there, too and my mom and brother. We called ahead to the B-ville Diner...we were able to push tables together in the middle of the room. My Dad was coherent again, which was great to see after seeing him Friday night in the hospital and he didn't recognize me for a while. He's still shaking, but not falling over. He's too thin and a little out of it, but much more like himself. It all kind of hit Sarah and she had to go to the bathroom and cry. My mom seemed off, but hey, are we surprised?? I talked to my brother for a while, who is really taking care of my Dad. I'm so glad that Bobby is there for him.

It was still surreal, but I wish I could be in denial. But I can see for myself, Dad's health isn't good. He has a rare form of Lymphoma that has created a tumor in his brain. There's no cure, only treatment. And to confirm it, they would have to do brain surgery. My Dad, at this point, does not want that. I understand, but on the off-chance there's mistake, that part of me wants to yell at him to try anything, everything! Bobby kept saying he wants to preserve his quality of life. Since when did Bobby get so mature?

I had a few moments of sadness but I am determined not to focus on that part right now (easier said then done). I just want to talk to my Dad and see my Dad and have Adam smack him with his cars and Abbey give him her 100-watt smile. Not being sad is going to be a big challenge for me, but I am going to work really hard to not panic at my impending loss and focus on making the most of the time we have together. (Though I can feel the anxiety creeping in.)

Of course whoever was re-running some depressing Dixie Chicks song on the jukebox wasn't helping things.