Surgery

Tomorrow morning I am having my thyroid removed.  I have had a lot of emotions about this for the past six weeks.  At first, I was certain that I'd reschedule.  But as I read more about it and realized that it was the best thing for me, I knew I just had to get it over with.

I've had different stages of anxiety.  This week, I spent Monday morning furiously shopping for a month of supplies of the kids' stuff.  Today I ran around cleaning (but really, my house looks the same) while my broken dryer sits there useless.

I have some fears, of course, about having surgery.  That I won't survive.  But I know that's not realistic.  My most realistic concern is my voice.  It will be impacted and I have to be careful how much I use it the first month or I could damage it.  Adam loves for me to sing to him.  It will be a tough adjustment for him. I sing to him before rest time, before bed, while he brushes his teeth and when I'm trying to get him to use the potty.

But also, I like my voice.  It's a little unique.  And hey, it was good enough for radio ;)

The most common complication is damage to the parathyroid, which could mean several extra days in the hospital.  It controls the calcium levels in your body.

I need to go pack my bag.  I am more calm than I expected to be at this point.  I'm just ready to do it.  Once I accepted that this was the best option, it's been a little less upsetting.  I don't want it to turn to cancer.  As Todd said, if you have to cut off a leg not to get it, it's worth it.  He's right.  And maybe, just maybe, all of these symptoms and issues and problems that I've had, well at least some of them, will improve.  Everything from my anxiety to my carpal tunnel could be related.

Abbey is in her bed doing laps and Adam is in his acting out Despicable Me, which he watched today.  I'll miss her chubby cheeks, wild curls and her newest "joke" "MAA!" she'll say and waits until I say "ABBBBEY" and she laughs so hard.  And Adam's "G'Night Mommy" and his scenarios that have taken over the dining and living rooms as of late.  Miss those faces..and those chubby hands... while I'm gone.