A Year Since

Yesterday was a year since Dad was gone. My brother and I were all set to go to one of my Dad's favorite fishing spots and spread some of his ashes. As the day approached, I was uncertain if I was up for it but I did not want to let Bobby down. Turns out he felt the same way, thank God. Instead, I took Mom and Bobby out to the Loop, one of Dad's favorite places and actually the last place he requested to go before he died. (Except for Walmart, which he went to three days before he was gone so he could get gifts for my kids). I woke up heartbroken, but was able to put it aside and not focus as the day went on.

And that's what scares me is that he is becoming a memory. I know that's how it's supposed to be, but I hate that him being gone is becoming "normal".

My mother and brother both enjoyed the day, the kids eating their fries and Uncle Bobby spoiling Adam and bringing him piles of rocks to throw into the lake. Abbey taking off after every bird. We went down to Bev's and I got the kids each a little dish of vanilla...when the girl at the window held out Bobby's vanilaa cone with sprinkles all over it Adam stood up on his tippy toes and his whole face lit up...I felt so bad for him when he realized it wasn't his!!! I'll have to let him try it next time just for fun :)

He ate his ice cream with A SPOON which he never uses properly at home and got Uncle Bobby to take him to the rocks AGAIN. And Abbey ate all hers, too but of course she loves desert.

I know that the kids will hear all about Dad and my hurt will dull with time, but I will never be OK with the fact that kids will not personally get to know him. My family always says Oh, he sees them from heaven and maybe he does, but it's not the same. I can deal with that, but I guess for two seconds I just wanted to put the truth out there versus the sugar coated version of he's still with us. Miss him.