Beat

Yesterday was such a long day.  It began at 3:30am and didn't end where I could sit down unil 10:30pm.  On top of the chaos of the three kids, I had to cram in an article for the Business Magazine I thought I had a few more days to do.  It's so hard to write with the three kids.  And even though Wagner has two kids, he's not the one at home.  He doesn't get it.  So he's asking me where's the story which is reasonable if I were at an office if I started writing it at noon it should be done at 5pm.  But in the mean time, I've had COUNTLESS things to take care of besides feeding a baby and making dinner and cleaning the house up there's always something that needs to be done or someone who needs help. And being up with the girls taking turn since 3:30am makes it harder.  I got Ellie to bed at 9:40pm and then I finished it.  Having the third kid has made free time almost non-existent, but when he contacted me last month, I wanted to be able to write here and there again.  Accomplish something outside my family, no matter how small and keep my little toe in the professional world just in case.  I love this job of being a mom, but I'm exhausted and there's no "down time".  I'm not in a hurry to get through the next couple of years because although the days can seem long, the years are flying by and I don't want to miss them, but I'm beat.  I am so glad we are going to a show tonight...I need a change of scenery.  I wish I wasn't going to be worried about Miss Ellie, but I know she's going to be OK deep down or I wouldn't go.

My clothes are all old and ill-fitting, my last few pairs of underwear are worn, my bras are falling a part, my hair's a mess and I just had to make myself shape my nails a little as they looked crazy and ragged.  I have huge circles and I'm walking around in sneakers from ten years ago that were in my donation bag before I split my other shoes.  I'm not into spending time on my appearance, never have been much, but this is a new level...I think I need to try and find the money and time to do something.  There's always something more important to spend my money on, something else to do besides deal with these things.  And with my weight being higher than I like, it's even easier to ignore the rest.  I guess I need to figure some things out.

We changed around our living room and bedroom this weekend and it was nice to have something different.  It feels better and we got a couch at Big Lots to replace that hulking piece of junk and we love it.  That was a nice way to start the week anyhow.