Thinking of Dad

Abbey has weaned herself. Getting her to nap now requires a little more work....rocking her in her room has done the best. She was up Thursday night coughing and catching her breath and when I took her to the doctor the next day, she said she had croupe. She got a shot of steriods that made her cry...it has reminded me of my Dad the last couple of days as she gets better. An odd connection maybe but....After she had her three month appointment, I took her to see my Dad, newly diagnosed and preparing to die. She cried a lot that day on and off. We were sitting outside in the sun at my parent's outdoor table. She was fussing a lot and Dad said that maybe she wasn't in the mood to visit. I told him she had just had her shots and she just wasn't happy when she was in pain. And he told her so sweetly "It's OK Princess I don't like to be in pain, either". He hugged her and she relaxed a little, a big deal for a little girl at the time who seemed to have colic and had a hard time being comforted at all. She laid in my arms, falling asleep, something she struggled with.

He's been on my mind a lot...every time I go to shop for Christmas, it's there...that he's gone. Today, as I was rocking her, it was like I was back in that moment just 6 months ago. The sun, the blue sky, little Abbey and her pouty face and my Dad's gentle, loving voice and me, really seeing how much she was the apple of her Grandpa's eye. Right now, I am being taken back to that 5 weeks in a way I have been avoiding. I have to stop now or it will be too much. I just wish he could hold her now.