Butler Family

Most of the Butler clan returned to town for the calling hours of Tommy.  Todd has two sisters and they both live in South Carolina.  Bonnie, above, has lived there for years, having moved south after getting married 40 years ago.  She has two kids: April, who is close to 30 and a Vet Tech and Travis, who is 23 and has almost two kids...Peyton, who was born two months before Adam and Hallie, who is due any day.  They came to visit every year during Harborfest while Todd's father was alive and stayed with us, so I actually got to know Bonnie quite well.  She's pretty down to earth; they are true rednecks!  We actually stopped there several years ago on our way up from Atlanta as Todd hadn't been there since he was a teenager when he used to visit each summer...as a kid, Bonnie was like a second mother to him as she is nearly 20 years his senior.  Bonnie has always made a big effort with my kids, and this time was no different.  She watched Ellie every morning while I took the kids, worked on Abbey despite her stranger issues and spent time with Adam...chasing him, playing with him and even sat there for an hour one day and watched him show her his games on his computer, when I snapped the photo.  He loved it.

Todd's other sister Becky moved to South Carolina with her third husband Paul a few years ago.  They both also stayed upstairs.  Todd is not close to Becky...they always clased.  She's the "next" in line after Todd, though ten years older.  She never quite got over losing her spot as the baby.  She did try with me and my kids...Ellie and Adam anyhow.  She was not the type to try and work through Abbey's issues.  I determined that is my new test of how strong a person is :)  They all left the night after the calling hours, missing the Saturday morning service as Paul had to go to work on Sunday, but had been here since early Tuesday morning.

Todd's brother Terry came down from Herndon, about two hours away, where his daughter Angie and stepson Jimmy live.  They came, too. So did his son Terry Lee, who came up from Baltimore with his family.  I had only seen him one other time, at our wedding, where he was wasted.  This time, he brought his family..his wife Margie and kids Asher, 6, and June, 2.  Everyone always says Adam looks the most like Terry Lee and I didn't see it much the one other time I saw him.  But they are right.  The hair is spot on and the face shape and facial expressions, things that are hard to pin down.  I wish I'd taken a picture of Adam with Terry Lee, but I didn't have my camera out much.  They all came over Sunday morning...here's Adam playing with Asher.  He was acting out some, but straightened in time for me to leave for Elizabeth's baby shower.

Here's June...she's pretty, shy and delicate.  Nothing like Abbey lol

Here's Margie with Ellie.  I could tell right away I liked her.  Someone I would actually be friends with.    Probably the family within in Todd's family I have the most in common with.  She's a nurse, having just switched to Hospice care to help others.  I was glad when she "friended" me on FB as I was hoping to stay in touch.  Terry Lee is a piece of work, with a quirky sense of humor and loving to say things for "shock Factor".  At the calling hours, he actually asked me if I breastfeed.  No man every has asked that or looked even the slightest bit comfortable discussing it!  It was nice to see how most of the family made it work and come to pay their respects.  It's a big family, much like the Duttingers.

Annaleise is One!

Last month, we celebrated Annaleise, Jackie's daughter, turning one.  Hard to believe an entire year had past!  I brought Ellie with me and left the A-team with Dad....it wasn't a kid party exactly and I didn't want to spend the whole time chasing kids, especially since I wanted to get some good photos.  Maddie was in love with Ellie... love both these photos.

As always in the Wallace house, quite a spread.  Both Jackie's and Brian's mom love to put it all together with Jackie...and there's some good cookng going on.  I tried each cupcake from my to go pack at home and they were all REALLY good.

Cute centerpiece.  I kind of wanted to steal it.  Continuing with the owl theme from her shower and nursery...  I asked Jackie if they'll continue it until her 21st ;)

Jackie's Mom.  She's SO good with my kids.  And a great help as Annaleise's nanny.

Here's the big girl getting snack.

With Mom.

One of my favorites of the day...her "portrait".

Jenn just loved up on Ellie.  I love this photo.

Playing with the rocks.

One of my favorites of Ellie.

Don't you love the look on her face?

She hesitated at first and then started in.  Big brother Q helping out!

LOVE this!

Maddie loving on Ellie and Ellie...stealing her pop :)  Such a nice day and a great party!  I feel like I'm going to blink and she's going to be 18! AWWWW!!!  Annaleise is a little shy and very observant.  You can tell she's clever and smart....she keeps to herself until she has something she REALLY wants to share...then you hear her!  She has the most beautiful BIG eyes and I love the color of her hair.  Happy Birthday little A!!

Magic Forest Year Two

The kids had already streamed through the first part and were having a blast, especially Abbey. This was a dragon ride that went in a circle.  It was sprinkling a bit, but not bad.

This was one of the examples of that "retro" charm.  Cracked me up :)  Get it?

Adam had said he wanted to be an astronaut for his graduation ceremony.  Had to get a picture of this!
More rides...I LOVE this photo....you can really see how gravity works!

Abbey looking at a Cinderella display.  "PRINCESS!" she said in her lilting "special" voice.

Adam said this helicopter ride was his favorite.  Hard to tell!  We weren't even sure how much he was having until he cried when we had to leave! He told me later he loved it.  Here's Miss Ellie, two months old, hanging out in the stroller.

Abbey wanted to go on this so much...there was one ride operator in the area and he had to rotate between three rides...she was beside herself until he came back.  She loved it.  HAD to be the pink motorcycle!

On the train ride, Abbey made a friend.  He REALLY liked her.

Was Ellie's first ride!  She loved it :)

Last ride...once again, he looked THRILLED but in reality, he was upset when he had to get off.  So glad they had fun and I look forward to at least one more trip for Ellie...after next year, Adam may start to get too old! Can you imagine??

Thomas Frances Butler

Last week was a very long week.  Todd's brother Tommy passed away last Sunday, October 6, 2013.   He had terminal lung cancer, so we knew it would happen, but how it appended was sudden.  He had had surgery for a perforated bowel at the VA and was recovering.  But one of the lesions in his brain suddenly burst very early Sunday morning.  His kids Brandon and Jennifer, along with Todd, Todd's brother Charlie and Todd's stepmother Kathy stayed the day until he was gone.

His kids are heartbroken.  Until recently, Jennifer had lived with him in a house next to his ex- wife, their mom, both owned by Charlie.  He had diabetes.  He was only 61.  When Todd was younger, they were pretty close.   He worked for Todd on and off until about six years ago.  He spent a lot of time with Charlie, hanging out and doing work for him on his rental properties and trailer park.  He was a Viet Nam veteran, having served as a mechanic in the Air Force at the tail end of the war, not really seeing the conflict.  His favorite song was Free Bird, he was some what of a lone wolf, a description I heard from more than one family member.  Tommy did not want a lingering and painful death and God granted him that.

Calling hours on Friday and a funeral and burial graveside Saturday morning.  Taps and the presenting of the flag do it every time., there wasn't a dry eye as the flag was presented  He was buried in Peck's cemetery, the same place as Todd's parents, though not n the Butler family plot...he picked his own spot.  He had just spent a couple of weeks in California with Brandon and had planned to go back there for his last few months.  They had fun seeing the sights and going to a NFL game.  The pictures in the memorial slide show showed Tommy having fun, someone who squally hid from the camera.

The week brought family, including his two sisters Bonnie and Becky and her husband Paul, who stayed upstairs through Friday.  They left that night and then Terry, another brother, stayed up there the weekend.
He was diagnosed about a year ago and last Christmas at the family party home made a huge effort to talk to me, though I was afraid to spend too much time with him as was going through chemo and I had the flu.  I could sense a man who planned on fighting and a man who wanted to make an effort with the people in his life so as not to have regrets.  That said a lot to me... He had cancer and reflected on his relationships....he cared about his family.  This big giant Butler clan. Rest in peace Thomas Frances Butler.

Fourth Anniversary

Yesterday, Todd and I celebrated our fourth anniversary.  Long enough where it feels like we're not newlyweds but at the same time, our life together has truly flown...a true whirlwind.  Having kids has done that to me...the days feel long...full of getting little creatures ready for the day, to school, three meals, snacks, baths, play time and shopping for them, too.  But the years FLY BY.  It truly seems like I just had Adam and got engaged and I've already been married four years.  I also think because I am married to the right person, time is different.  Life no longer feels like a time clock I'm punching until I can retire.  Now, I worry about making time last.  It's not perfect, but I am living the life I want to live with the people I want to live it with.  That is really, really worth celebrating.

After dropping Adam off at school, Abbey, Ellie and I brought Todd two apple fritters from Tim Horton's, exactly what I grabbed him on our wedding day.  He told me I was goofy, but I know he liked it.  He likes that I am sentimental about silly things.

I took these two photos yesterday, the only ones from our anniversary day.  Last night, we  did celebrate.  I made Todd stuffed shells, which turned out really well and I got a Cake Boss cake at Price Chopper, which was overpriced, but was actually better, I think than the one we got at his bakery in NJ, though, as Todd pointed out, it probably had way more preservatives!  But I had been running around cooking, taking care of Ellie and keeping the other two kids alive so I didn't have the camera out.  

After we picked Adam up from school, I stopped at this mini-playground at the fort.  Forever it's just been an old school metal slide, but they added a protective cap to the now dangerous slide and two swings.  It's a good spot for a short play time.  Nice to get a photo of them both looking at the camera!

Little Ellie, sleepy, so I left her right in the car (it's right next to the swings) with the door open and she fell asleep right after I took this photo.  Todd surprised me with tickets to 50 Shades of Grey, the musical when he got home.  I had said I wanted to see it, but I wasn't expecting it as we haven't done a ton of big gifts for our anniversary...I was pretty excited!  I LOVE our date nights and I LOVE going to the theatre!

Since we knew it would be hard to take the crew out to dinner on a Friday, Todd wanted to take us out earlier in the week.  We talked about going up to Delmonico's on Wednesday, but his day is too long and the kids are a lot...and I was having an AWFUL DAY.  I debated whether or not to go out at all, but in the end I had hoped doing so would turn things around.  It didn't.  We went to Bridie Manor because it's never crowded and the kids were all doing normal kid things...but I was just having one of those days were everything grated on my nerves EVERYTHING.  The food was so-so.  And Abbey wanted to dance because the last time we were there, it was a wedding reception and she danced the night away!  Ellie with her Daddy.  It's a crummy photo, but I like it.  Ellie is growing up SO FAST.

For some reason, Adam thought it would be funny to do this when I took his photo.  Doesn't he look grown up, too?

Ellie was going for Todd's water glass.  She tasted a sip or two.  I was told to start giving her rice cereal.  Not A BABY ANYMORE!

I grabbed this photo of my Abbey, who was giving me agina that day.  Oh, my girl!

I loved that Todd wanted to take me out, knowing it was kind of crazy day.  He wanted to make sure I had a night out.  I thought it was very sweet and I appreciate how hard he tries to make things special.  It's not what he does exactly, but the effort he puts in is really, really thoughtful.  I am more in love with him now than ever.  I wish we had more time together, but I remind myself that will happen soon enough when our kids are all over the place with school, their friends and activities.  And I love the family we have created.  Adam was asking us about what an anniversary really is...it isn't quite when our family started...we started that before our wedding day...but Todd told him it's the day we decided to commit ourselves forever.  We talked to each other, after, about how marriage is almost becoming outdated, but we're romantics.  I think choosing to stay together is more romantic than in the old days where people just stayed married because of cultural pressure.  We choose to stay together because we love each other...and out family.  The Butlers est. 2009 :)

My Cousin Gets Married

Our first gay wedding was bound to happen soon.  And I'm glad it was my cousin Jenny Lyn, who has had a hard road, including gaining the acceptance of her father, my Uncle Marty, and my father's youngest brother, and the rest of the Duttinger clan.  She is the cousin that our family is the closest to, my parents' God Daughter and the only one who always made an effort with all of us.  She went to SUNY Oswego for a few years when I worked at Camp Good Days and when I would go there for volunteer fairs, she'd sit and talk with me.  On September 14, she married Eva Marone...we just missed the ceremony, which was OK because honestly, I didn't count on my kids being quiet at it!  It was quick and dirty, outside by the lake in Rochester with the reception in the community center inside. I place I had been to before because of Camp Good Days.  I love this photo of Miss Abbey, who is carrying a gift bag my Aunt Dawn gave her as a purse and dancing away.

The kids were all kinds of having a tempermental day, so I was right about the ceremony.  Bobby picked a table right next to the dancing area and he was spot on...it did help occupy the older two some.   But here's Adam dancing away.

I didn't sit down and do the math, but probably 2/3 of the cousins were there?  It's quite a clan, many who I have only seen in the last decade at my Dad's memorial and my Uncle Kenny's funeral.  Besides Facebook of course, which has put them back in my life, but not.  Here's Billy.  Carolyn's the oldest and Jason and Billy were right after her.  Jason died two years ago of Leukemia.  Billy's Dad, my Uncle Billy, the fourth in line, died six or seven years ago, the first to go.  Actually, all three who have died were the ones who went to Viet Nam...complete coicidence?

Here's Josh, Billy's younger brother.  He's around my age, a year younger but two years behind me in school.  When we were teenagers, we were a little close.  He's artsy and a ceramist and I always kind of believed heavily in the closet.  He's a bit awkward around me as an adult and I'm not sure why.  The rest really aren't.  Maybe he knows I see more of him than most?  His sister Anne Marie also had childhood cancer, before Bobby.  They are almost the same age, actually.  Anne Marie was a freshman when I was a senior at SUNY Oswego and she was embarased because I was such a known feminist and everyone kept asking her if we were related.  Probably some of my editorials were pretty liberal :).  I remember I told her to meet me at the Women's Center so I could give her a text book and she looked kind of frightened lol  When I didn't charge her, she was a little shocked.  Why would I charge my cousin?  I asked her.  Janis Joplin was playing on the cassette player.  Hey, she said, I was JUST listening to that album.  See, I told her, we have plenty in common.  (Actually, classic rock love seems to be something all eight Duttinger siblings passed onto their kids....)

My Aunt Dawn, who divorced my Uncle Marty years ago, is Jenny's mom and my favorite aunt.  She thoughtfully brought my kids gifts.  Adam is playing with his dinosaurs with his Dad.

That's my Uncle Dave on the left...he looks A LOT like my Dad.  He's number six in line.   He always says Hey Remember Me?  I'm your Uncle Dave.  Yes, I say, of course!  His kids are Cassandra and David Jr.  Cassandra was there....she's very glamourous and has two kids, Olivia and Lilyana the same age as Adam and Ellie.  She's one of the youngest cousins and her daughter and Anne Marie's daughter Maddie are really close, also Adam's age.  Dave Jr. wasn't there.  He is the family felon, having served prison time for armed robbery.  He's talking to my cousins Carl and Paul.  I started talking to Carl and his sister Kari, who is a Barbie by the way, and I had this weird feeling of remembering how close we were as kids.  Carl is my age.  Kerry posted a photo of Carl holding Ellie, but it seems to be gone now as well as her account, which she turns on and off, depending on her guy drama.  It was a great photo because he was rocking Ellie by the DJ and she calmed down.  Like a weird family connection thing...he looked so comfortable with her.  Kerry, Carl Jr and Paul are all the kids of my Aunt Peggy,  (or Margaret), who is third in line.  She did not attend the wedding, I think it was a religious issue.

And here's Jenny.  She looked so happy that day.  Her father, Uncle Marty, was there with my Grandma.  Her brother Mitchell, who is the youngest Duttinger at 22, was there but her brother Spencer just got a new job in the south.  I actually didn't get a photo of her with her wife.  Didn't get a chance.

Jenny and Mitchell.  He looks JUST like my Uncle Marty.  Jenny is very Duttinger...she is the cousin that reminds me the most of my sisters physically.

With Bobby.  Who brought Lynette and two of her kids, who were all helpful with my kids.

There's Josh with Kerry.  I told you...Barbie, right?  I have the most childhood memories of looking up to her ....she got me drunk for the first time at a function when I was 14, I think.  At a park.  Maybe someone's graduation?  Boxed red wine.  I often ended up with her hand me downs as a kid.  And she was willing to play Barbie a lot.  She's going through her second divorce.  Her first marriage was young as she was pregnant...she had the first great-grandkid.  I asked "Where's Dylan?"  And he was there, all grown up with a girlfriend.  Did I mention how they were all out back as I was leaving half-drunk and smoking?

Jenny, Mitchell and Spencer's girlfriend.

Jenny with Uncle Dave.  His wife, my Aunt Jill, was there.  She talks to us all on FB.  She had asked me some months back if her son, the felon, could work for Todd as he was struggling to find a job.  He found one but lost it...she talked to me again...and I told her he doesn't want to move to Oswego for a helper job, which doesn't pay much and he should consider getting his CDL.  She didn't think he could because he has a long ago DWI.  I told her he could.

The most important photo of the day.  Ellie really was having a bad day, but I wanted my Grandma Charlotte, my father's mother to meet all my kids.  Bobby took Ellie over to her and she wanted to hold her and I was able to snap this photo with my new awesome zoom lens.  My Dad was close to his mother and I try and honor that by sending her photos and flowers on her birthday... and I kept meaning to drive to Brockport to see her.  I'm just glad I can scratch "make sure Grandma Charlotte meets my kids" off my list!  I had to wonder...what does an 85 year old woman think about a lesbian wedding? But she seemed fine!  I do need to add that the gathering was different, not quite right, without my Dad.  And my Uncle Kenny.  They were the real lifeblood of our family.

My Aunt Elaine was there, but none of her kids, Charlie, Frankie and Alicia came.  I only knew Charlie as Grandma Charlotte used to babysit Carolyn and I and him and boy, he was a pain as a kid.  But that was 30 years ago.  I had seen him once or twice since.  She didn't have him much after that first marriage ended (she was the babysitter and then the second wife lol).  I remember meeting his Dad once at their house so long ago.  It seemed like a mansion when I was five.  Her second husband Franco was a drug dealer and is long gone and I know Alicia found God and hates ALL sinners, so I'm sure that had something to do with HER absence.  

Aunt Elaine got wasted, per usual, and came up to me a couple of times.

In her nasally voice, she cocked her head and told me, not quite as a compliment, 

I could tell, "You remind me of your Mom."

I knew exactly what she meant.  I was the only who brought my kids (I actually thought everyone would as it was like 3pm on a Saturday and plus my babysitter was there! AND I wanted Grandma to meet them) and not drinking.  That was the same as my Mom.  I am shaped like my Mom as the same age.  I am educated and speak grammatically correct.  And my kids were my focus.  She didn't really mean it as deep as I took it as she is not capable, but for a moment I saw what she saw now and thirty years ago when my Mom was my age.  And I took it as a compliment.  I tried to explain this to my Mom, but she didn't get it.

Aunt Elaine came up to me again, even more drunk and started with "You're probably just thinking oh, it's your drunk Aunt Elaine".  Well, yes, I thought, but that's OK.

"I miss your father".

Everyone does.  Actually, I heard that several times, including from my Grandmother and my uncles Marty and Dave (the only remaining brother, Terry, did not make it, but he was always the least likely to attend.  His daughter Brandi came in as I was leaving, but his son Shane I haven't seen in years).

She told me how at every function, he'd take her aside and ask her about her and how things were going and he did that with all of them.  I didn't know that, but I could see it.  Dad was the big brother.  I was glad she shared that with me.

Obviously, I didn't take this photo...the photographer did.  Jenny wanted a "cousin bus" photo (their nickname for all of us as sometimes they get a drunk bus and go out!)  Paul on the top, followed by my cousin Kenny Jr. and his wife Brianna.  I didn't get to talk to them much..Kenny lost both his Dad and his brother Jason in the year after I lost Dad.  He has his mom and his half-sister Becky left.  Then the bald guy with the tie is Anne Marie's husband next to the guy in black, Carl.  Then, there's Kerry with her son Dylan.  Cassandra's husband Eric is in the white shirt and black coat, followed by Billy Jr., me, Bobby, Mitchell, Jenny, Cassandra in purple and Anne Marie.  I thought the day would be awkward, but it wasn't.  I think because I had seen them at a couple of funerals, the ice was broken a bit and also now, most everyone is in their 30s and things change.  It was fine.  After nearly 30 years, I didn't feel like ones who "left".  Well, yes I did, but it finally didn't seem to tick anyone off anymore :)