I'm on the verge of a lot of anxiety. I hate this feeling. What technically set me off is that I was supposed to go to the corner house today and take photos before the tenants officially moved in. We told them they could move in early on Memorial Day weekend. But I just find out they are already moved in. It pisses me off. It's not really a big deal, I am going to go out there and see if I can catch them later and at least get photos of the exterior, but it has brought the anxiety on. Now I know that it's the trigger, not the real source. I know this from common sense and from the Sopranos. Animals gave Tony panic attacks, but we learned it was the associations with his childhood that was the real culprit.
Maybe I don't like the feeling of being taken advantage of, maybe I don't like things out of my control. I know I inherited this from my mother. I think I had a little here and there my whole life but it wasn't until my separation that it started feelings so heavy. I have periods where it is better and worse. I have been doing pretty well lately. I hate that I feel this way and I hate that I am ruled by anxiety. It pisses me right off. I'm supposed to be a strong and independent woman. It's so overwhelming when this happens, my heart races, my brain panics and I just want to hide. Doesn't sound very strong and independent to me.
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Wow. You guys got that corner house all done quickly. Last I saw it, it was just bought and needed lots of work. You have walked into the constantly irritating world of having tenants. Just assume they will screw you when they leave...assume it and find peace with it because it is part of the process. It always happens. You can still make the case for anything that is damaged because the contractor who fixed everything is a witness regarding what is new.
ReplyDeleteWow, didn't realize you were going to become a tenant- wasn't the hubbie very against it? Anxiety is a b***h. The more you get yourself out there and learn how to manage it the less it will affect you. I had it the most when getting out and traveling, but the more I get out and make myself do it, the less it happens. Now to get through the long drive to places unknown anxiety to conquer. You can do it!
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