I've been getting up before 7am and showering the last three weeks so I can be all done up by the time contractors get here. I've fussed with my hair to make it look as decent as possible and put on make-up. I have ditched the sweats and put on bras that hurt. All the stuff I do when I go out in public, but by 4pm today I felt exhausted with this version of myself. I was never the fussy type that had to be all done up, but as I get older and I feel like I have to make-up for more, including a deflated post-baby belly that makes my old roll seem like a fond memory. I don't want to be beautiful, I just want to look in the mirror and be OK with what I see. But at 4pm, I took my hair down, washed my face, putting on a comfortable bra and t-shirt with sweats and felt..more like myself.
I don't mind looking older, I really don't. I was always someone who neither hated nor loved her looks. I knew I was pretty enough to attract a guy or two and didn't want to rely on looks to get me ahead in life, but I guess now I don't feel public OK without these steps. I don't know how I feel about that.
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There is nobody in the world I know that doesn't feel like they want to be some form of presentable when they go out or have someone over, particularly a stranger. You are just more aware of it and more stressed by it because you don't interact with others as much anymore. I don't think you are compromising any great notion of self-worth because you put on a little makeup. If you never felt that way, you'd probably start to get concerned about that...why don't I care how I look? Haha. That's why I just go with how I feel on that particular day. Sometimes, I'll get dressed up and feel like I need to do my hair. Other days, I'll wear pajama points to take my garbage out. Some days I care and some days I just don't. I follow the urges.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself a break. Everyone has the at home and comfy side and the public side. You just became more aware of it because the public side was moving into your house to renovate.
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