Take Revolutionary Road, Turn Left at Cayuga St.

This week, I have put a lot of time into trying to track down 50 local business owners for updates for the progress edition of Oswego County Business Magazine. It had been a while since I had done something like that, so I definetely underestimated the time it would take. I had planned on doing a story or two a month and usually that just requires an interview or two...and that I really have been enjoying. But I've been chipping away at it...hating the stress and the time it has taken from my son. But at the same time, it's definetly made the week fly by...making me feel "useful". Yesterday, when Todd came home, I told him that despite that, it was a reminder why I didn't want to work when my kids were young. For me, I can only really be the mom I want to be if I can focus on that. But was I less of a person because I can't juggle eight phone calls, three problems and a big event like I used to?

Last year, there was much ado about a movie called Revolutionary Road (SPOILER)in which Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio are a 1950's couple who feel trapped by conventional life...except he really doesn't. She's raising two kids and self aborts her third at the end of the movie and dies. I had really wanted to see this movie and watched it last night.

I had always appreciated the feminist message of such period pieces. But last night, I looked at it differently. She did have choices, but very limited ones. She chose to get married, get pregnant three times, sleep with her husband's best friend, chose to blame her unhappiness on her spouse and chose to die instead of having another kid. To be honest, she reminded me of my ex...feeling sorry for herself because every minute of her life wasn't 'exciting'. I'm sure it as so hard for women then to make their own happiness if they felt trapped...and I know how hard it is to feel like your choices are limited (SEE: my past life). Societal pressure can be hard on women...it's still there...I still get asked by people if I'm "bored". I understand...I ran from high pressure job to job always wanting to be in charge, wanting to have a career.

But my Revolutionary Road took a turn onto Cayuga Street. After having such mixed feelings about my usefulness all day, this movie reminded me that it doesn't matter if society expects me to not only handle both, but want both.

I am lucky enough to have the choice. And as Adam sits at my feet going DEEEE!!!! as he plays with his toys...for me, it's more than the right choice. Actually, I've known that since the moment I was pregnant...I've been insanely happy (for me!!) since I met Todd, had adam and am getting ready for my daughter...but yesterday, I wondered if I was less of a person, less of a woman, because of that choice, because it's what makes me happy. Society's expectations of women does affect our self-esteem, but I reminded myself last night how little I actually CARE about what society thinks :)