Getting Ellie Part 3/Meet Eleanor Bernice Butler

When I got back from the recovery room, I couldn't feel my legs still, which was weird but I was mostly OK with it.  Todd was there.  Our new daughter had gotten checked out, while Daddy watched.  He told me he didn't go far as I had made him promise to make sure she was fine and if she wasn't...that he'd get her to the neonatal unit in Syracuse as fast as possible.

"I wanted to check on you, but I knew if that were the moment that something came up and I missed it, you'd kill me," he said.

And there was our daughter.  All dark hair, little stork bite on her forehead, sleepy and beautiful.  I'm a little hazy on that afternoon now.  They had given me some pain medication, but a small amount as I didn't want a bad reaction like the one I had had to morphine after having my thyroid removed.  I told Todd he couldn't leave until our daughter had a name.  But I had decided I did want her nickname to be Ellie and I would leave him the final choice of what her formal name would be.  The fact that the doctor in the recovery room was Dr. Ellie was a sign to me, though I'm not usually a believer in such things, it seemed right.  Todd had been saying she'd tell us her name when we met her.  Seemed like kismet.

We had tossed around Allison, Elaina, Elizabeth and Eleanor among others.  But she didn't seem like an Allison or an Elaina.  He narrowed it to Elizabeth and Eleanor and then did some googling.  There had been several members of royalty in the last 500 years or so named Eleanor Butler.  That may have sealed the deal for Todd.  We felt like she had an old soul.  And we wanted her middle name to be Bernice, after Todd's mother, who by all accounts was a wonderful woman.

Eleanor Bernice Butler seemed right.  He made it official by sending it out in a text message to those closest to us.

The moment that sticks out that afternoon was having little Ellie snuggle right on my chest, half curled up.  Right where my heart is.  She was clearly very content there.

"That's what she's used to," Todd observed.  And we both kind of napped.

Getting Ellie/Part 2 THE SURGERY!

The first open OR time was 12:30.  It was 10:30 when we made the final choice.  It was a long wait. (Though I knew it could have been much longer).  Having to lay there on my breaking back was awful.   The pain was like being in labor.  And my chest got tight.  It could have been anxiety or probably, as it turns out, was the baby moving back and forth and crushing my chest.  

They prepped me for the procedure.  Cleaned my stomach, but these circulation pumps on my legs and gave me a catheter.  On a full bladder.  Which was awful.  I was trying not to panic.  Focusing on the end result.  Reminding myself this was for the best.  Looking on the bright side...no labor!  The anesthesiologist came in and I told him how nervous I was.  He told me he used to be a psychiatrist and he could smell anxiety five miles away.  It was the perfect thing for him to say.  Knowing that my anxiety didn't irritate him or annoy him really helped.  He was very supportive then and in the OR.

Todd put on his surgery outfit and then suddenly it was after noon and it was time to go to the OR.  They pushed me in my bed, leaving Todd in the hallway.  There were A LOT of people in there, including a nurse, Candace, who had been with me since the morning, who was there to hold my hands.  Basically hold me down when they put the spinal in.  And I knew instinctively that a handful of those people were there to hold me down if need be as it is dangerous to move while they do it.

It was time to do the spinal, which I had been terrified of since my failed epidural with my first labor.  And the memory of feeling the needle catheter down my leg freaked me out.  But they kept me talking and distracting, promising to tell me about each step.  And I surprised myself, and the staff, how calm I stayed.  It wasn't that bad.  I didn't feel like I did the last time.  The nurses kept me talking about Adam and Abbey, which was smart.  

Then that part was done and I laid back, focusing on not freaking out when I couldn't feel my legs, the other thing I was scared of.  But I was OK.  I got number and then they put the surgical drape up and an oxygen mask on my face.  It seemed they were starting and I didn't see Todd.  It was my only moment of panic...I started telling them not to start without my husband.  And someone hurried him in. We were ready to have a baby.

The last thing I had been so scared of is that everyone says you feel "tugging and pulling".  I pictured it being more of a sensation than it was.  It really didn't bother me.  I asked Todd if he could see anything, but he said he just saw the backs of people's heads.  I started asking if he could see her.  And then they said she was out.  But she didn't cry so I felt a moment of panic.  But they assured me she was fine.  I asked if she had ten fingers and ten toes and what her APGAR score was (8 and then 9).  Then she was there, Todd held her in front of my face and I fell in love and kissed her little face.  It does happen like that.  All cheesy...like suddenly she is so real and you just love her so much.  I saw all that thick black hair and I knew that was what she looked like.

And then Todd left with her, having promised me he wouldn't leave her side and they sewed me up.  I asked a few questions about what they were doing out of curiosity.  Then I was being wheeled out and I thanked everyone and off to the recovery room I went.

I had three nurses monitoring me for the hour as two were training.  And did I mention I was the ONLY person in the ENTIRE maternity ward that day???  At one point they called over a doctor to talk to me about my chest pain...and his name was Dr. Ellie.  We hadn't picked a name yet, but I took it as a sign that Ellie was where we should go.  

After getting some feeling back, they took me to my room.  It had gone fine.  Everything had worked out.

The Birth Decision/Having Ellie Part One

On Tuesday, May 21 at 12:42pm I gave birth to Eleanor Bernice Butler.  Our Ellie weighed 8 lbs 5 oz and came into this world on her own terms.

I went in at 7:30am for a scheduled induction.  I was 39 weeks and 3 days.  If you have hypertension, induction is standard in the 39th week as the placenta begins to fail...which it was with the baby...as her growth had slowed significantly.   They hooked my belly up to the monitors that measure any contractions and the baby's heartbeat after I changed into a gown.  She was able to get her heartbeat at first, but it didn't last.  I wasn't surprised as this was often the case with both this baby and Abbey.

Dr. Dasari came in.  I knew her the least, but she seemed nice.  She checked to see how much I had dilated.  Not only had I not dilated at all (which meant they'd have to start the induction with placing a pill there to soften it), she said the head seemed really high up (which didn't make sense to me because I had felt her low on more than one occasion).  She ordered an ultrasound to confirm the placement of the head and to help locate the heartbeat.

All during this my back pain increases, heightened by being forced to lay on it.  It feels like it will break in two.

They do the ultrasound and the baby isn't where she is supposed to be... she is transverse.  Lying horizontal with her head on my right side and feet on the left.  She is lounging  Todd says it looks like she is on the beach.  Explained why they couldn't get her heartbeat.  It was high, in my lungs.  And why my back was so painful. Dr. Dasari requests that radiology bring up a better machine to get a better reading.  I immediately feel sad and upset and anxious...I know what this means.

She came up with the newer machine.  And had a hard time with the head.  She told me it's in two places and jokes about twins.  NOT funny.  Turns out she was moving back and forth WHILE I was lying there.  Explains all the pain I felt in my back and chest.

Dr. Dasari gives me the options.  C-section.  Wait a week and see if she turn and settles.  Or come back the next day and have one of the other doctors flip her.  The nurse, Carol, stopped her on the way out and asked her what she recommended.  C-section.  She said even if she flips back she could keep moving, and move during induction and lead to an emergency surgery, which sounded awful.  Also, waiting defeats the purpose that I was there for a reason a week early.  The placenta was dying.  I knew in my heart what was the right thing.  My instincts told me keeping Ellie in my belly another week was impossible.  I knew we had to do a c-section, something I had been terrified of...

Three Days/Whine Time

First things first.  The dead little Christmas tree that Todd planted at my behest two years ago is down.  It was a skeleton and I knew it had to go.  I think the plow broke it over the winter.  It saved me from digging it up.  But I didn't stick in the trash can like I should have.  Next week.

I had a rough weekend last week physically.  I thought on Friday evening I was possibly headed for labor and I panicked a little.  My first response was that I had to iron and hang the kitchen curtains.  Nuts, right?  Todd was like leave that alone, but I couldn't.  It HAD to get done.  My back was killing me and I was having strong Braxton-Hicks contraction most of the night.  The next morning, I was OK and so I knew it wasn't labor.  On Thursday night this week, it was back and worse.  I spent much of the evening and the night on all fours.  This morning I have another back ache.  Who would have guessed my biggest torture these final days would be excruciating back problems.  Todd has been scolding me to take it easy and I've been trying, but it can be hard when you know there are things to get done.

On Wednesday, I had my sonogram and non-stress test.  She was measuring eight pounds, nine ounces...give or take a pound and four ounces.  That's kind of funny.  Anyhow, a pound less than she would have been has she kept up the rate of growth she had been at.  It was good news as I no longer had the anxiety of having to "choose" a c-section.  However, my hypertension is the cause of her slowed growth....the placenta starts to harden and fail at the end of pregnancies with high blood pressure, which is why they are inducing me on Tuesday.

I'm excited and scared of labor, even though I've been through it (or perhaps BECAUSE I've been through it).  I am ready to have her here.  My biggest hope is that it won't happen like with Abbey....that it doesn't work at first and they have to try again the next day.  That's emotionally draining.

With Bobby not  main source of babysitting, we had a bit of  scramble.  Of course, everyone works during the day, so it can be hard. Todd's stepmother is on vacation Sunday through Thursday, but he asked his brother Charlie, who is mostly retired, to come during the day.  My first response was to be nervous.... I mean, Abbey can be a handful and she doesn't really talk.  But Todd pointed out that it's probably good for the kids...and maybe, I need to let go more and that my kids are growing up and may surprise me. He is absolutely right.

My back hurts enough right now that I am nauseous.  I can't wait to get her out.  And if I ever, ever say something silly about being nostalgic for pregnancy, kick me.

Parent's Day

Last Monday, April 28 was Parent's Day at Adam's school.  Todd's stepmother Kathy had offered to babysit and I took her up on it so that I could focus on Adam, particularly since Abbey was having a high-maintenance streak.  She overslept and I hadn't taken Adam in at 9 because Abbey was having a bad day.  So I raced over at ten, dragging Abbey in to drop off Adam and run home to meet Kathy and be back before 1030.  Yeah, as fun as it sounds.  It was worth it.  Adam was so happy to see me, waiting at his spot with his gifts he had made us.  We sat next to the Broadwells...this is Parker with his Daddy.  He's a sweet kid and I like his Mom, though she's a bit of a social butterfly, she is raising her kids right.  Adam had made each of us an apron, a drink holder and all the kids made a recipe book and an all about Dad book that was hilarious.  So cute to see the kids say what their dad's height and weight and favorite foods, etc.  Adam said his favorite thing that his Daddy does is "Hug My Adam".   Adam's favorite food was apples that I cut with "scissors or sometimes a knife" :).

All the kids got up and sang,  Adam was so proud.  He did pretty good.  It's amazing how far he's come from the fall when he just looked so lost.

That's Nicholas in the middle...Adam's favorite buddy.  They like to be trouble makers together.

Mrs. Pelow and Miss Elizabeth.

Adam's drink holder :)   So proud of my boy!

Barnes and Noble

Abbey and I do all sorts of stuff now while Adam is in school.  For instance, on Monday, we went to Walmart, which she loves, as I was determined to stock up before I have the baby.  There's Abbey in the seat of the cart (she loves climbing into the cart and riding in that seat!) and I'm pushing her and pulling another, huge and pregnant.  I wasn't daunted by the prospect.  After I had Abbey, I always used two carts if I needed more than a few items because both kids had to be in the front.

My feet have been swelling, so I made sure I went first thing.  And I filled those carts.  Stocked up on things from OTC medications to diapers to shorts for Adam to a cupboard full of snacks to make babysitters' lives easier.  (But, of course, when you get home, you always realize there were things you didn't get.  Sigh).

This morning I took Abbey up to Barnes and Noble in Clay because I wanted to cross end of the year teacher gifts off my list.  I have to get for his two teachers, a volunteer in their classroom and Eric, his speech therapist (which he has recently gotten pretty attached to). In case you couldn't tell, I am insane with having everything ready!

We went in and I let Abbey point to what she wanted from the bakery.  She picked an M&M brownie. She picked out a table and we sat down, but she kept slouching, which is more of an Adam thing.  I was scolding her and then she got down and bent over onto the floor.  It was obvious her belly was bothering her, especially when she was OK with me packing up her brownie.  We went into the potty, but she was adamant she didn't want to try it.  She also has started not liking to go in her diaper. ( Not sure where to go from here on that but that's another story.)  I walked her over to the kids section to distract her and it was kind of pathetic, because she wanted to play and look so she'd be talking and then start crying a little because her belly hurt. Even over at the Thomas Table.  I could tell she finally went and I took her out to the car to change her.  It was clear her belly had NOT felt well.  I felt so bad for her while she tried to deal with it.  But she wanted to go back in, so we did.  I relieved that she clearly felt better.

She is so much more grown up now than she was in the fall.  She played with Thomas, but was attracted to the pile of bargain books.  She loved these little sets of a boy with figurines...one Princess, one Minnie.  I told her she could pick one and we'd get it.  I picked up a book and an Angry Birds puzzle for Adam and headed to the front, while I looked for some teacher gifts and to pay.

While I was looking at the gifts, Abbey took off back to the children's section.  She had changed her mind and switched from the Princess one to the Minnie one.  It was cute that she had been weighing it!

We went to pick up Adam and as we were driving away, I thought about how Barnes and Noble, though a conglomerate, is one of my favorite stores.  When I was pregnant with Adam, I'd drive up and walk around, get a book and some magazines, get a snack, look for gifts for other people.  After I had Adam, we'd go up and I'd stroll him around and get myself something and him something.  Now, I got teacher gifts, something for each kid and not even a moment to browse for me!  Life has changed!

At least I got most of what I need for his teachers!  

Oil Change Rip-Off

My oil change was way past due.  In the past, I had always gone to the dealer, but it seemed last time they were so expensive and they also seemed to want to rip me off with a tire price.  We had briefly discussed me going to the instant oil change place in Oswego.  So I decided to just go there this morning, wanting to get it taken care of before the baby gets here and just having Abbey with me while Abbey is in school.  I used to go there all the time.  Before I met Todd.

A lot has changed.  I used to spend about $25 there for the basic service.  Today, I spent nearly $50.  Not only was the "cheapest" oil change nearly $35 before tax, my "model" of filter cost $2 and they charge me $5 for a skid plate that needed to be removed to do the change.  If I had not been SO over when it needed to be done and I wasn't about to have a baby any day, I would have left.  But I was sitting in the car with Abbey, having calmed her down (because of course she freaked out) and just wanting it done.  I used money from my personal checking account, ashamed I had waited SO long to do it and not having the heart for my MECHANIC husband to pay for the fact that this HAD to be done RIGHT NOW.

The Dealer cost about $30.  Of course, I have to drive to Cicero.  But the $5 skid plate removal fee disgusted me.  Had I not been 9 months pregnant, I would have made them show me this "plate".  

Upon further reflection, I suppose it had been FIVE years since I had gone there.  Somehow, it had seemed just a couple of years ago.

Harlie's Sixth Birthday Party

A few weeks ago, we went to Harlie Jane Walker's 6th birthday party.  She is Terry Potter's granddaughter, the daughter of his youngest daughter Kari.  They live in LaFayette and she had a "Brave" themed birthday party.  We were running very late and felt bad, but it turned out OK because there wasn't a ton to keep pre-schoolers busy so nay more than then the hour and a half we were there probably wouldn't have gone well.  Here's Adam making himself at home.... they held the party in a man cave room over the garage.  They were doing homemade bow and arrow when we got there, which made us a bit nervous but we asked Adam if he wanted to try and he did not... he wanted to go inside.  It was pretty chilly out.  They are trying to sell their house and I peeked inside.  They did a nice rehab of an old house and it was clean :)

 Kari is the cake baker who does all those awesome cakes.  She also made some cake pops for this party, which I've seen all over the Internet but had never had one.  Abbey LOVED them.  She wasn't interested in the cookies...she even stole the one Adam licked and decided he didn't like.  Abbey was having a temperamental day, but we worked through it.  She wasn't crazy about the crowded room... it always kind of makes her want to leave.

Ethan and Daddy.

Harlie and her Merida birthday cake.  It's amazing how sophisticated she suddenly becomes.

Abbey had a tantrum about leaving and I took her over to a corner with more space and windows and she did better.  Love this picture.

She loved looking out the window.

Jason brought a big box over and Ethan popped out.  Abbey and Adam thought that was hilarious.

A-team in a box...amazing how much kids just love things like this.